My mind, and relationships

This friday, being the 7th week in what you would call a "relationship" between me and Melissa, has made me think. Yes, I've had 2nd thoughts about this at times... but I've stuck it out, and I'm rather glad.... although, if you didnt know already my mind is a tad bit crazy. I wont go into explanation other than saying, I think I may have figured out why.


My whole "relationship life" has been something that I have not been able to trust once. Trust is something very, very hard for me to do, simply because once I think I can trust someone, I try to test the trust, and its really not there.

Every relationship I've had was a "failure" so to speak. Never really gotthe trust that I wanted just to "be there". Furthermore, I never felt things were right, simply because I wasnt doing my half of the relationship.

I think of myself as a hopeless romantic, and so I sometimes think of movie relationships as sort of an... ideal image?? Idk, but it's never really occured to me until just recently that, those characters in the movies, they trust each other... and it wasnt just like that, even in the movies, it took time, it took effort, and trust. I'm learning it. Slowly but surely.


I think things in this relationship will turn out nicely. Time will tell... and I think this time, time just may be on my side.



Until next time!

*wave*

Hai.

I was sick today, my throat killing me.

Life is... interesting, as always. Truly, I can never be content with what life throws at me. Those turtles always mixing things up.

I'm in such an odd mood tonight, hah! I know what it is. *shakes head* I cant believe it. Ahhhhh....


Fond memories, for sure.

mang. This is insane. Ima post on the other blog. It needs some company.


Ginger loves you!!


My mind is currently rotating quickly now. The maze is turning, and once again, I am put back in the dead centre of it. I wonder. Will anyone ever catch me? Save me from this maze??

Its doubted. Aside from a few people, maybe 1, its simply something to read, something to ponder for a few minutes, than disregard.

Sometimes I wonder if I really have misplaced all my trust, even after two years of making mistakes, and learning. *sigh*. The mind of me, oh how I wish it wasnt.


I'm listening to acoustic music. Maybe thats why my mind is so twisty right now. Shoot mang! Wahhh.


Someone save me. Re-Read the past. It always repeats... Why oh why.


*ponders*

Ima rant on for a little. just kinda, you know, throw some odd things out on this blog. Considering I know that Mrs.(wonderful =])Fox, will be reading, I apologize now. You must not be understanding any of this. XD

I still have yet to send over a song, or maybe I have. I cant remember. *goes off to look for their album*



Did you know its been about a year? A whole year... and yet, it seems horribly so much more... Why is time like this??

One second, its fast, and the next its slow. Truly, I simply cannot make heads or tales of it. I mean... all of my life today, seems is compressed into a year.

This blog is reaching its 1 year very soon. July 27th was when this one was posted. I made another before that, problably around this time. Just when things started to turn for the worst... or better. Truly, I'll never know until I look back years from now.


Oh how I wish I could look foward.. and then back, to right now, and be able to tell myself that everything did work out perfectly. Although, as we all know, Time waits for no man, and the good times we once had, will only be that. The past. Memories of a time when things were so simple.

I still wonder, about life you know. Everything from my puppy, right behind me, ginger, and school. From lunch, to AP MacroEconomics... Man. Life is so... rediculus.


*sad smile*. For some reason, I want this post just to keep going, and going, and then maybe, something will click. As for whom it will click... well, we'll just have to wait and see.


Living each day to its fullest, is something that is truly harder said than done. If you really did, live each day to the fullest, your life would be so so so much different. Everybody would know everything. Life would just be... in ruins. Truly, everything, and everybody you knew, would be changed, along with yourself.

After that, you'd have to completely rebuild. Start over.... although, I wonder, once it all started to rebuild. Would life be so different? Oh it would though! Every day, not having to hold anything in, not having to wish that you could've done/said something. It would be truly, bliss...

but as we all know, life really isnt bliss. Everyone is too scared to really live in the moment, and live each day to the fullest. Once people started doing that, life just wouldnt be the same. Everything... every little core thread of the human population would change.

Just think! If everyone strived their hardest, and just worked, lived each day... how much more of an amazing world would we have today? Really... it would be amazing.


I'll never live like that, atleast, not in high school. Things are just too fragile. Maybe my senior year, when evertything is there, and I have nothing to lose... Everyone above me, will be gone. Everyone below me, knowing nothing as I do, as I've seen...


Why do I have this mind? I think I've said it before, but I still dont understand.

Some people may venture to call me wise... and deep down, I guess I kinda am. idk, but even if I am... my wisdom is wasted on everyone around me, simply because they dont live. I dont even live anymore.... just think, If I were to really live, so many things would be different.

People would hate me, others would love me. Relationships would fall, and new ones arise. Truly, to say everything on my chest, within 1 day, would be so totally amazing.

All my friendships ruined... but at what cost?? If I were to truly live to the fullest, none of it would matter, simply because they were only holding me back to begin with... *sigh* Oh the musings of a madman. XD


I think I am going to end it about here. It truly doesnt matter anyway, I mean, if anybody even comes close to deciphering half of this message, to any extent of what I mean, I will be truly amazed...

But see, thats just the thing. The people who I would want the most to translate, just wont do it. I think thats what hurts people the most.

When the people you admire/love/respect the most, just dont seem to return the slightest emotion... thats what breaks people.

It breaks someone when they finally realize, that they just dont care.




Apathy.