Hah

That girl worked.. =]

'Nuff said.


E.E.S.

Its kinda late...

and I told myself that I would go to sleep two minutes ago... and I'm sure by the time this post is finished, it'll be much farther past time than it should be.

Hi, its been all of summer, and then a good chunk of school since I've updated.. and.. there's not much to say..

Band is band.. although, this is my last year.. THATS rather odd... Knowing that everything is going to be finished in 2 months (just under, actually) is kinda scary.. wow.. yeah..

Uhh... new girl, kinda.. we'll see how that works.. it prolly won't work.. as things work for me..

Yeah... killin' time... mmhmmm....

MEH.

So...... now what?? Its only 11:06... I figured this would take longer.. and OMG, Daniel just FB chatted me, and I totally hoped it'd be someone else, BUT IT WASN'T... thats.. sad..

Yeah.. I'm listening to the sleepbot FM channel right now, and it has a nice drone on an E, along with some voices that are "smearing" up into it.

Quite serene..

Awesome... She left.. I guess I can sleep now..

Good times.. and goodnight.

<3

Officially a senior tonight. Its June 11th, at 11:09PM, as I write this, and I honestly, no matter how long, or much I wrote, would not even begin to tell you what has happened in these past 6 months.

Argh... So many emotions, so little time! I honestly cannot get it all out, and just, I think thats okay. I will just, keep doing what I'm doing, and things will be good.

~~

Thats how things are, when you graduate. Its never the same, no matter how much you want it to be. Even those BFFs who promised to call each and every weekend, will break up, and soon fall apart. Where there is no similarity, there is no connection. Where there is little to no connection, there is no friendship.

Thats why I have a hard time with people saying "oh, we can make it across the distance!" (relationship wise), because whatever you would have to make things common, such as a class, or a school, or a car, or an apartment... Isn't there. The link that two people would normally have, is gone, and they are forced to fend for themselves. Keeping a fire lit, without any wood, is very tough.

I'm semi-sad tonight, and I don't know why. My seniors are graduating? Or maybe because I soon, will be in that same spot. I will be a graduate of BHS, and soon to be doing what I must do for the rest of my life..

Who knows. God does, and I trust that. That is truly, the only constant thing in my life at this point, God. And its Amazing.

I have an ACT test tomorrow.. So, yeah..

I'll also be posting this same post onto my "public" blog, just, without the private blog info.. which.. isn't much this time.

Man, does time Fly.



With much (sorrow) (regret) (longing) solemnity,

-Martin

*blink*

So, uhh, I don't even know where to start. Seriously. I don't. If I updated everything that was on my mind, we'd be reading pages now, but if I say to little, I won't be able to pick up where I left off the last time.

So, its been just over a month, and High School is making its way to an end, at least, for this year. 9 Days left of school, and Senior Year is fast approaching. Amanda Anderson worked her way into, and then quickly out of my life, in the span of about a month, so, that was fun.

Finally "un-blocked" Margie, that was fun. I blocked her, because she was being a jerk, and I just didn't even want the thought of her in my life for awhile.... It was really nice. Seriously, I enjoyed it.

Uhh, Sarah S also kinda entered near FBLA State, kinda lingered, and then, BOOM, slapped in teh face, and ran away. Apparently she doesn't want to hurt a nice guy like me. Seems she knows exactly the type of guy I am.... *sigh*, LAME.

So, I missed my shift at work on saturday. THAT sucked. I was super pumped for being Floor Guard, and yet, BOOM. Missed the whole shift. Managers laughed at me, and told me not to do it again. I should only have work on friday, this coming. We'll see.

Meh. I'm so bored. I really want a girlfriend. This suckssss. Now what? I feel so.. useless, except, for, God, but, thats awesome.

Personal Relationship with God is growing. Its kinda nice. Ima make a blog post on 1 chapter, 1 day, it'll be fun. Maybe Justin'll get it.

MANG

Why does time fly so fast?! Seriously, it doesn't seem like just a month ago I was updating this.

IDK, just, its crazy how things go. Ranting about girls, start, now.

So, high school. Firstly, its almost over. Seriously, I'm at the 3/4's point right now in my junior year, along with the 3/4's part of the whole career.... Why don't people ever tell you its going to go by fast?

I mean, people are like "Life is short..", but they're never like "HIGHSCHOOL IS UBER FREAKING SHORT. ENJOY IT." There's my side-rant about high school.

So. Women. Gotta love em... except.. not always... They're so confusing sometimes.. Goodness. Can't live with them, can't live without them..

Honestly though, I'm so freaking confused about girls in my life. Its to the point of where I feel like I'm schizophrenic. One side of me is screaming for some type of relationship, where the other is screaming me to keep it purely friendly... and both sides are at eternal war with themselves!

High school should be a place for casual dating, a place for you to understand what you're looking for in the opposite sex, and to have some fun while doing it. Keeping aware of your boundaries, while attempting to ground yourself to the real world, with its real consequences is also part of the equation..

Sadly, I can't seem to find someone who feels the same way that I do, but if I do, they seem to be stuck up within their group of friends, and not willing to venture out and meet a new guy, who justs want to be himself (quite hard to do these days, within itself).

Along that note, Clinging sucks. I'm not a christmas tree, and you're not my ornament, please, if I don't look like I'm enjoying the presence of you, and especially not enjoying the hugs, please, BACK OFF....

>.>


Back to rant.


Where is the line we should draw in high school? I know a friend of mine is trying to even go so far as keeping hugging to a minimum (not quite my style), but then I know other friends who engage regularly in sex (once again, not my style). I need to find a happy medium... and yet, no matter how hard I try, it doesn't seem to work.

'Tis the human aspect of me, I fail, and it sucks. Every day I'm reminded of how much I can suck, and will suck, and will continue to suck. Like Paul says (roughly translated) "I do the things I don't want to do." I mean, its just, CONSTANTLY being a retarded kid with my down syndrome. FML. Not really. I love life. God is good. I love him too.

Seriously. Girls, please, stop killing my mind. I'm ready for high school to get out simply just to start REAL dating. Once I actually like, have a CHANCE to do some serious dating, I think I'll be okay.

Another note! Most of my relationships have failed! Hard Core! Its been horrible... but I mean, its me to blame. I just won't compromise for being me, and sadly, some girls don't like me for who I am. Its just part of the process of this dating thing. Trying to find a girl who will like me for who I am, for the rest of this little short insignificant (not quite) thing called life.


/end rant. Not really.

'nuff saiad for now.... although, I have had some posative relationships that I would not trade for the world. *nods* That means you.

Its been good ranting. Its time to go be a normal teenager again, and put life on cruise control.

bbl guys, I gotta go be a sheep.



Thanks. Yeah...


Done.

Wow.

From the last post, lots of things have happened. Oasis disbanded. Alyzar, the jerk he is, picked up members, made a new guild.

I started a new guild, got about 2-3 members, and then disbanded it. Crazy stuff.


Uhh.. life is crazy... supposedly doing math homework now... uhh... yeah!



I'll update hardcore later sometime. Avatar is amazing, along with the music. DLing it now, gonna watch it friday if I'm doing nothing else.


BYE